Hi Ho...Hi Ho...It's Off to Work We Go

Thanks for nothing, Disney!!!!

Though full credit may be given to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for naming individuals after states of being and/or emotions, there really was no need to continue this unfortunate trend. To those of you who may have forgotten those lovable names, a quick recap of the height challenged dudes, the needy princess and the medical professional who looked after them:-Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey and umm...Snow White [Yes, folks. That's what her parents named her!] 

The new trend seems to be naming children after virtues or things that you can do, see or read about in church. This is evidenced by the plethora of following names:-

• Miracle[sometimes spelt Myricol, not to be confused with Miralax, a stool softener]
• Hope
• Eternity
• Heaven
• Heavenly
• Destiny
• Testimony (though in all honesty, I've only heard of one of these!)

Justice, Peace and Liberty sound like they could be the new tag line for Marvel Comics [and why do those three sound so familiar together...hmmm].

And for the love of bunnies, who names their child Chastity??!!

For those parents who have, this is Webster's [a well known dictionary, easily accessible at any local library] definition of chastity:-

abstention from all sexual intercourse.

 Really people??!!You dislike your kid that much? Not planning on having any grand kids? Planning on her becoming a nun? GOOD... GRIEF!!!!!

Thus far in my 'travels' I have only bumped into one Godswill. He should be 10 yrs old about now. [Every time I think about him, I wonder what his nickname could possibly be...Little G perhaps? Things that make you go hmmm...]

AND...my new, all time favorite...Lordswill Bright...

I think I've said all there is to be said on this topic...for now...

P.S. Bonus points go to Mia Farrow for combining music and religion in one awesome swoop...
Moses Amadeus!

Papa Paparazzi!!!!

Celebrities!!! Also not immune to giving their kids some tragic names.

There is this ONE celebrity that I cannot stand! Ever since that jumping on the furniture episode and stating that there is no such thing as post partum depression, which in his little mind can be fixed with exercise and sunshine [or was that with Skittles and rainbows?]. Then, he went on to call psychiatry a pseudo science and some other gobbledygook and has single-handedly further stigmatized mental illness [good job, Tom]...I have utterly no respect for him.

So, when he named his golden child Suri, (which is actually a pretty name) I went a looking. It totally filled my heart when I discovered that there is another type of Suri...They are Alpacas!!! Mischief managed.

Suri Alpaca...Awesome!!!! 

On a more serious note, okay maybe not serious, but here are some more keepers:-

• Audio Science
• Aurelius Cy
• Heavenly Hiraani Tiger
• Kal-el [now that's just setting up his future partner for disappointment]
• Moxie Crimefighter [that is a cool name]
• Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha [WHAT??]
• Pilot Inspektor
• Sage Moonblood and sibling Seargeoh [thank you Sylvester Stallone]
• Tabooger [not to be confused with Onebooger]
• Yamma, Zowie and Zuma [the missing Teletubbies]

Please be advised. Some or all of these names may reappear in my blog posting titled...
'Parents Clearly under the Influence' .

If you are having trouble remembering who Kal-el is...

Food Glorious Food...

It seems that I have come across so many names that they have naturally started sorted themselves. The category I will start with is...FOOD. [Mind you, there will be many names that defy categorizing and may end up in the "What were they thinking" pile].

Several years ago, a friend came home after substitute teaching at our local elementary school. She was aghast that parents had named their child [and this was on the birth certificate]...T-Bone!! Yes, folks. Capital T, dash, Capital B..o...n..e! Poor kid was in 1st grade at the time. My condolences!

Then of course there is Chaketa, Lasagna, Apple, Honey and Cherry. Though anyone who names their child Cherry in this day in age really deserves some form of public punishment. Just saying...

Yes folks! It's off to the Pantry for some inspiration...

Twins Orangejello and Lemonjello will be present in many categories, be prepared! Now, these two names are in NO way pronounced how they look [sorry Bill Cosby]. Let me see if I can do it justice.

Orangejello somtimes written O'rangejello pronounced AU-raange-ello
Lemonjello sometimes written Le'Mongejello LE-maange-ello

Hmm, it just occurred to me that perhaps T-Bone can also suspend reality and call himself Tae-Bau-ne. That might work!!

And finally, to a Veteran Hospital, to a proud soldier, whose name is...California Cherry! His response? "Don't laugh. I have a brother named Tangerine!"

By the way, the spellcheck is having a doozy of a time with these names!!!

Pumpkin. A term of endearment not to be used as an actual name.

What's in a Name?

I have wanted to start a blog of "Jacked up Names parents give their children" or "Names you shouldn't bestow upon your child unless you want them to come back and thrash the living daylights out of you!". So now. It's official!!

So, why am I doing this? One. Because I feel like it! Two. Over the years of doing what I do (if you know me, you will understand. If you don't, let's just say I deal with a lot of diapers, formula, parents and non verbal entities) I have had the pleasure of hearing names that parental units have given their children and basically those names are just too damn funny to keep to myself!!

I've heard stories from friends, family members and colleagues from all over the country, and now, I will share these nuggets of infinite wisdom with you.

But before we embark on this journey, a few disclaimers.

Disclaimer #1
If anyone is offended, don't blame me, blame the parents, who, thanks to their ingenuity, made this all possible. And of course, you have the option of not reading any further. It will not hurt my feelings. I promise.

Disclaimer #2
I'm not the first to notice this trend and I seriously doubt that I will be the last. Sadly, I do believe that this unfortunate naming trend will continue, indefinitely. Here is an example of pure genius http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/03/14/stupid-names/

Disclaimer#3
Do NOT, for a hot second, think that I am targeting a group of people! Jacked up names crosses ALL social, ethnic and educational boundaries.I will be calling out, all and sundry on their somewhat dubious names for their children.

That's right, Apple!! You too are on my radar!!!