Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

...Cause his text message told me so....

Okay folks. After a recent comment from Angela...
 "Working at the registration desk for Vacation Bible School you see many names. One was King David (brother to Praise the Lord and Emmanuel). Then later I checked in a Jesus. I welcomed him pronouncing his name "hay-soos" but his mother corrected me saying it's pronounced... Jesus.
Yes really."

...I got to thinking...

With the new plethora of deity inspired names such as, Thank God, Praise the Lord, Lordwill Bright, Godswill, and of course, the aforementioned Jesus, it occurred to me that things can, and more than likely will get a little confusing.

But before I go there, a quick note. Just because it shows up in  a The Good Book , and I'm not talking about the Yellow Pages, does NOT mean you 'make your fingers do the walking' and pick any old name willy nilly and bestow it upon your child!  How many Judas or Beelzebub's do you know [NO...not how many act like the namesake...but you get my drift..]

Oh and I just got another name, moments before hitting send...a highschooler named...
Moses De Jesus [putting head in hands and weeping softly...]

Now THIS is my idea of curling up with a good book!!!

And what happened to the good old classics? The following names work perfectly well with a variety of religions, ethnicities and cultures:-Matthew, Michael, John, Frank, Mary, Bob, Jared, Maya, Judith, Zipporah, Denise, Immanuel, Abe, Naomi [ironically this means pleasantness...Oopsie, Ms Campbell]
You see where I'm going with this, yes?

People! We must use discretion. You don't have to be a church goer to feel that some of these are tottering on blasphemy or alternatively just setting your kid up...for a host of things, but most importantly a god complex or a good butt whupping.

 I can see the  school yard confrontations now
"Who do you think you are. God?"
"Actually, that's my cousin. But I am Jesus..."

Judas soon to be parted from his lunch money...
Now remember peeps, I'm talking actual kids names, not religion, so don't get offended at the following scenario. And this is where I do believe that it can get confusing for future partners of our mini deities during certain moments of umm...rapture.

Imagine if you will the following situation...

Praise the Lord and their partner are playing a particularly rousing session of...ummm...'Yahtzee'...and the partner calls forth Jesus's name.
Prasie the Lord may take offense and may incorrectly presume that said partner was "rolling the dice" with cousin Jesus.
The partner then tries to hurriedly explain that they were just Thank[ing]God for the Miracle of being able to 'play' with Praise Lord.
Praise the Lord's confusion and anger deepens as s/he suspects further transgressions with various members of the local gaming club.
Said partner then tries to further explain that they had been taken by transported to Heaven for what seemed like an Eternity and had Hope[d] their Destiny was to 'play' another game.

I could go on, but I think you get the point...

Kids will be kids...

If this deity inspire naming trend continues, I'm naming my next offspring Dionysus and the one after that Pistis [which will be wrong on oh... so many levels...]

Dionysus, God of Wine
doing his thing.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Must Have Been the Good Stuff...

That...was the answer.
The question is..."What on earth were they smoking when they decided to name their kids??!!"

An alternate title could easily be...
"Parents Under the Influence of Mind Altering Chemicals", but I didn't know if that was subtle enough.

The most famous by far, and by no means an urban legend, cause I googled her myself is...Marijuana Pepsi Cola.

One guess as to what substance they were doing and how they quenched their thirst post ingestion. Personally, I would have been in whatever line I needed to be in to change my name, on the eve of my 18th birthday, if not sooner.
BUT, according to Marijuana, who does not like to be called Mary, but Marijuana and some family members call  Pepsi *roll eyes*...
"...embraces [her name] as a symbol of her struggle to succeed and to help other children overcome obstacles".

Oh...Good...Grief!!! Really??!!

You want to know the best part of her story??!!
"She was invited to a White House conference in 1995 and met President Bill Clinton, [who swears he never inhaled]."   AWESOME!!!! the real Marijuana Pepsi Cola..
Who is an educator..
For Goodness sake!!!!
Oh, and Ms. Jackson? A quick reality check? Having a missing limb, a disability, a disease, a syndrome,  a boss who thinks she's running a dictatorship  and can impose any rules she feels to subjugate her employees, is considered real adversity.
NOT...having a name that you can change at any time. Child!... Please!!
But I digress. Where was I??

Leaves of Three [four, five or six], Let it be...
Or at least don't name your kids until it's cleared from your system...

Other Doobies Doozies

Sister Silver Sage and Violet Storm

The Geldof Quartet [again] Fifi Trixibell, Peaches Honeyblossom, Pixie, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily

Astrella Celeste and sibling Oriole Nebula [talk about spacing out]

Free!! [I just have visions of a particularly bad trip where they run around attempting to free domesticated animals from their cushy homes]

Fuchscia-One of the colors on their trip


Tripp-Pretty self explanatory.
BONUS POINTS!!! Bristol Palin's and Levi Johnston's kid. PRICELESS!!!
Btw When asked what baby books Palin used for inspiration, she was reported as saying...
"All of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years."

[Okay, maybe that part may not be true..but how could I resist??!!]

I see Russia. I see Alaska.
And on particularly clear days, if I squint just right...

Monday, September 6, 2010

Hey Kitty Kitty...

I am not even sure how I am going to go about writing this one.

Sadly these can either be names of pedigree felines, or future exotic dances. There!! I said it!!  Hey, if you don't like it, go talk to the parents...

Sadly, ALL of these are real names and I just hope that these kids grow up to be chemists,  Supreme Court Judges or some kick ass profession to counterbalance the effect their names have:-

"Judge Bluebell Madonna Gervasi presiding..."
"Paging Doctor Diva Muffin Zappa to the code room.."
"...And to Fifi Trixibell Geldof, the Noble Peace Prize for Mathematics."

Fifi Trixibell looks miffed!!!
She thought she was going to win the Nobel Prize!!!

Bob Geldof and Paula Yates hit an awesome hat trick with the following names :-
Fifi Trixibell
Peaches Honeyblossom
Pixie [who apparently was called Little Pixie, until she was a tad older, because I'm sure having the 'little' in front of her name was probably know kids.]
Later, half sister Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily moved in with the rest of the family for a astronomical Home Run of "Exotic Names"
Bob Geldof with offspring Pixie and Peaches
Pixie and Bob look estatic about the name choices.
Peaches? Not so much.

As Brian wisely commented on my previous blog , some of the virtue names can, and will probably migrate into this category. I think his exact words were " And just think, all of these lovely ladies with names like this will end up as strippers!"
Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

Gather around for a little ditty, children.
There was once this mother who wanted to name her child Honesty but wanted an unusual way to spell it. Please don't ask why. You'll break the flow of the story. Anyway, after much thought,  deliberation and messing with the shift key, she came upon this spelling...Ho'Nasty.

Yes kids! She truly believed that when people glanced upon that word, the first thing that would pop into their heads was Honesty. Hmmm...Not so much. Have no fear though. Wise people informed her that being a Ho Nasty was not the best way to start life. So in the mothers infinite wisdom, she changed it to...Auhnestae' [Take that hooked on phonics!!!]

Other names that will inspire Whiskas inpired gifts for years to come...

Cocoa Monroe
Crystal Ball
Crystal Ray
Coco Riley

What kind of Whiskas did you folks think I was talking about??!!

And let's not forget sisters:-
Poppy Honey
Daisey Boo
Petal Blossom Rainbow

Oh Dear. It's much worse than I thought...
I cannot believe it. They have a Pole Dance Dolly??!!
Please say it ain't so...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

All in a Day's Work

Wow. It really has been a while since I blogged. I did not realise. Hmmm...Thank you Angela for requesting another posting. I would like to also take this opportunity to thank the other five people who actually read this blog :-M@t, Brian, Marianne, Justin and Laura. If I have not mentioned your name and you like what you see, post a 'Shout Out!' in the comments section. It will give me the warm and furries.

So, back to business. It was recently brought to my attention by a source close to me, that it's not nice to make fun of people's names, cause it was given to them by their parents yadda, yadda... It was at this point I had to invoke my rights as a US citizen and remind them of the 2nd Amendment. No, not that pesky 1st Amendment that mentions something about free speech thingamabob, but the one about the right to bear arms. I think I got my point across just fine after that...

Upholding the 2nd Amendment- The right to bear bare bear arms.
Anyway, the other day I was at work and not enjoying myself in the least. For starters, I had to get out of bed at the crack of dawn, on a weekend and on top of that, make intelligible conversation and at a moments notice be prepared to make life saving decisions [okay, maybe that's going too far]. Suffice it to say, I was in a pretty pissy mood. However, my friends and colleagues came to my mentioning names they had heard recently. It was as if a ray of sunshine cut through the clouds and lit me up from within [sadly that part is not exaggeration], my mood changed instantly, and I was on a roll. Awesome!!!

After some discussion we found that some of our very colleagues had some, umm, unusual names.

The nurse whose name was pronounced Cheryl but was spelt Sheroll [You know, kinda sounds like Ricky Martin's song, 'She Bangs, She Bangs.' And yes, I am still miffed at him for having twins without my involvement and naming them Matteo and Valentino. Not sure how I feel about that. I will discuss it at my next Celebrity Stalkers Anonymous meeting].

The other nurse who had a friend named Chlorine Licorish, sweet and deadly  in one awesome name [I actually took a picture of the name as she pulled it up on her phone...just in case...]

The agency nurse who told the story of her friend Phillus...and how one day she saw her friends drivers licence and was shocked to see that her full name was actually Syphillus .
 [ I'll be right back. THAT...will never get old *wipe tear*]

The other 'professional' named Honey [can you imagine a nurse called Honey? Oh the ways she could go...Picking up extra work on the side has a whole new meaning.]

An individual named Mehnur, pronounced Manure. *sigh*

At the same time all this wonderful conversation was taking place, we heard that Praise the Lord was leaving the building. I lie to you not!!!

Now back to my "loosely culture based but honestly, they really should know better by now" names.
I had the pleasure of learning that Friday, Sunday , Monday [were] Thank God doing well in school.
Not just a learning aid but can double for roll call
And lastly, I learned of a gentleman named Good Luck Jonathan, who happens to be the current President of Nigeria.  In a nation of political, umm, 'change', this, I presume  can be a name with a double edged sword. Because I do have some sense, and I'm sure there are a couple of people who might miss me if I mysteriously moved to another country without any explanation, or had an accident mountain climbing or white water rafting [cause I'm that type of active], I will say no more.

Except that his wife's name is Patience.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Around the World in 80 names...

I guess at some point, people got tired of using names from the continental United States as in Dakota, Montana, California Cherry, Indiana, Alabama Gypsy Rose, Memphis Eve, New York [you can thank that god awful show Flavor of Love for that moment please..Shudder...]

I'm just waiting for the name Shenandoah to start cropping up. Oh dear. That actually has a nice ring to it.

Where was I? Oh Yeah. Now, it appears that we have crossed the seas and incorporated not just other continents, but anything and everything related to travelling.

Please observe:-
Paris [I know of someone who named her child Paris...after her cat who had passed away. Umm, okay...]
China-Sometimes spelt Chyna.WHY??!!

A feasible method for naming children.

Now, in actuality, these are quite pretty, however the scales get tipped with the following names:-
Journey-Not the band...but just one little kid
Zahara -Wait hold on. I was thinking about Sahara
Jeronimo-Sorry, sounds like something good to say before starting a trip
Mars Merkaba
Saffron Sahara- I knew there was a desert name in here somewhere...
Sailor Lee
Tripp -Priceless!!! I couldn't have asked for anything better...

Name your child Pirate, you must not.
My favorite in this category is a family who thought they were being cute. Not so much.

Okay. Their last name is Hall. They named the child, Tajma. Yes folks.
Her whole name is Tajma Hall. the real Taj Mahal

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wheel of Fortune...Can I Buy a Vowel Please?

There are some folks who were under the impression that you had to BUY a vowel before it could be added into a name and I truly believe that they think there was a crazy, buy one, get one sale on the least used consonants.

"Pat? Can I buy a vowel, please?"

Sadly, some of these names defy all phonics, logic and any of the ever changing current reading methods that the school system deems appropriate.

If you can figure out how to actually pronounce some of these names, give yourself a gold star.

 I stopped trying.

Jermih -pronounced Jerimiah.
Yes, I know vowels are missing. The 'mother' was informed by many individuals that this was spelt incorrectly. However, in her world...this is how Jerimiah is spelt.

I weep for our youth.

Jermih Jahein-Kareem  Yes, it's the above kids first and middle name. Double sigh. Where do I start?! I would totally understand if there was a religious and cultural background to this name. BUT...there wasn't!! The poor kid is already on the TSA [Transportation Security Administration] watch list and he hasn't even left the hospital!!!

"Excuse me sir. Can you come over here, please?
 Where are you travelling to and why? I'm sorry, Sir. I can't understand you.
Please speak clearly!!"

Here are some more doozies:-

Rva- a girl
Nekeya-both a boy and a girl
Tshombe -a guy
Yanique -a girl
Nekey -no idea if this is a boy or girl
Osamani -And before you think that this is a culturally based name. It isn't.
Treleah-For some reason I feel like skipping when I read this name
Sirandre- I no longer care if it's a boy or girl
Quantaz -Bonus points for using Q and Z in a name. Pity he can't use it in Scrabble. Darn!!
Zenia pronounced Xena [oh, to use Xena's Chakram on some of these parental units]

Xena and her multipurpose Chakram.
Oh, the sense I could knock into heads with that thing!!

And of course a favorite, cause everyone knows one of these, Laquesha sometimes spelt, Laquisha.

A special shout out goes to The Jolie-Pitt household. The childrens names seem to have a lot of consonants found at the end of the alphabet.
No small feat I'm sure:-Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne

I'm sorry. I need to stop now. My head is hurting....

Little Bro just trying to fly in peace.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Update on Wolf Boy

Okay. I just can't get this out of my head. Ever since my post on celebrity baby names , one name in particular has been bouncing around my cerebellum [not that I can actually pronounce it, but you get the gist].
It has also been asked of me whether this name had a ethnic, cultural background.

Yes and No.

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa

I can't stop thinking about this, so, I wanted to share what other nuggets of info I had dug up.

Do any of you guys remember The Cosby Show? Remember Lisa Bonet? She played Denise Huxtable and was actually a bit of a rebel in the show.
Well...girlfriend changed her name to Lilakoi Moon [not sure when or more importantly ...why!!]

Anyway, she used to be with Lenny Kravitz but now has two kiddies with...wait for it...Jason Momoa!!!!

Jason Momoa
Six kinds of yummy...
Though I give her some serious brownie points for choosing this Baby Daddy...all brownie points become null and void once her youngest son,  Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, is named.

As Jason is Hawaiian, [eyes involuntarily  flick back to above picture...] the name is supposed to have some of these roots. However, amongst those who speak the language, there is some controversy as to what the name actually means and there are many who think Lisa, I mean, Lilakoi, just totally screwed up the kids name.

Wolf boy and Daddy
He is SOOO cute...
Baby's not bad either...

Okay, so here is what his name is supposed to mean:-
Nakoa (warrior) because he was born on the stormiest, rainy night,
Mana (strength/spirit),
Kaua (rain) and
po (dark).
Namakaeha is Jason's name [sounds like a perfectly reasonable name, but I'm starting to become a little biased re the Momoa man..]
Wolf- We all know what a wolf is...or do we??

Baby Wolf
Baby Wolf

So...the next time I'm at the hospital and hear the joyous though, rambunctious sounds of someone about to pop one out, I will suggest the following names for their offspring:-

Lawe la Waho Keia Manaw

OeKaukeia Ma'ane'i  Maimaupaa'u Hona hou

Keia Manaw-now

Hona hou-again

Mikomiko- Delicious [this will be used later..You will see...]

Lisa, I mean, Lilakoi looking somewhat perplexed by
 all the baby name fuss.

And just in case you've forgotten who Jason Momoa is...
Well Mahalo to you too, Mr. Mikomiko!!