Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

...Cause his text message told me so....

Okay folks. After a recent comment from Angela...
 "Working at the registration desk for Vacation Bible School you see many names. One was King David (brother to Praise the Lord and Emmanuel). Then later I checked in a Jesus. I welcomed him pronouncing his name "hay-soos" but his mother corrected me saying it's pronounced... Jesus.
Yes really."

...I got to thinking...

With the new plethora of deity inspired names such as, Thank God, Praise the Lord, Lordwill Bright, Godswill, and of course, the aforementioned Jesus, it occurred to me that things can, and more than likely will get a little confusing.

But before I go there, a quick note. Just because it shows up in  a The Good Book , and I'm not talking about the Yellow Pages, does NOT mean you 'make your fingers do the walking' and pick any old name willy nilly and bestow it upon your child!  How many Judas or Beelzebub's do you know [NO...not how many act like the namesake...but you get my drift..]

Oh and I just got another name, moments before hitting send...a highschooler named...
Moses De Jesus [putting head in hands and weeping softly...]

Now THIS is my idea of curling up with a good book!!!

And what happened to the good old classics? The following names work perfectly well with a variety of religions, ethnicities and cultures:-Matthew, Michael, John, Frank, Mary, Bob, Jared, Maya, Judith, Zipporah, Denise, Immanuel, Abe, Naomi [ironically this means pleasantness...Oopsie, Ms Campbell]
You see where I'm going with this, yes?

People! We must use discretion. You don't have to be a church goer to feel that some of these are tottering on blasphemy or alternatively just setting your kid up...for a host of things, but most importantly a god complex or a good butt whupping.

 I can see the  school yard confrontations now
"Who do you think you are. God?"
"Actually, that's my cousin. But I am Jesus..."

Judas soon to be parted from his lunch money...
Now remember peeps, I'm talking actual kids names, not religion, so don't get offended at the following scenario. And this is where I do believe that it can get confusing for future partners of our mini deities during certain moments of umm...rapture.

Imagine if you will the following situation...

Praise the Lord and their partner are playing a particularly rousing session of...ummm...'Yahtzee'...and the partner calls forth Jesus's name.
Prasie the Lord may take offense and may incorrectly presume that said partner was "rolling the dice" with cousin Jesus.
The partner then tries to hurriedly explain that they were just Thank[ing]God for the Miracle of being able to 'play' with Praise Lord.
Praise the Lord's confusion and anger deepens as s/he suspects further transgressions with various members of the local gaming club.
Said partner then tries to further explain that they had been taken by transported to Heaven for what seemed like an Eternity and had Hope[d] their Destiny was to 'play' another game.

I could go on, but I think you get the point...

Kids will be kids...

If this deity inspire naming trend continues, I'm naming my next offspring Dionysus and the one after that Pistis [which will be wrong on oh... so many levels...]

Dionysus, God of Wine
doing his thing.

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